Tuesday December 30
Wow, I spent the entire day on the computer slaving over this layout and I'm pretty proud of it. I don't know how in the world it turned up like this but I guess good things come out when I start on it half asleep.I was at San Antonio for a few days last week because of a 'get together' with old family friends and I actually enjoyed it. We arrived at the resort Christmas evening and ate a nice but expensive dinner and then played Mexican Train. That game is addicting and makes me aggressive because I'm a very competitive person. But, moving on...I finally got to go horseback riding again. Only bad thing out of the trip to San Antonio was the day we came home I was sore all over because of the bed and the horse. I'm not fit to sit on horses for long periods of time, nor am I fit to sleep on fold-up portable beds.
For Christmas I didn't receive a whole bunch of presents but I think I'm pretty lucky this year. Got two very warm and soft blankets from 3 of my friends. Some awesome socks. First season of Reba. Lots of candy. A sweater from my sister and lotion. My mom gave me money of course. From my dad I am finally going to get the Canon EOS Rebel XSi. He's been saying he would get it for me since my birthday in August...
Yea, I'll update more later tonight...the Haloscan comment layout is bothering me so I'll go make a new header for it.
Saturday December 06
There's always something you hide from everyone, even your closest friends. In your mind you say that you can trust them with your life and your fears and your secrets, yet there is one thing you will never say to them. What is it. What is that thing you keep locked in?Another way to put it for the people who disagrees with me is, what is something you are ashamed or scared to tell your friends and family?
For me it's this website. I'm not ashamed of this site but I am scared of what they will find if they ever stumble on here. Sure they know that I'm interested in web design and junk like that, they also know I run a site, but they don't know what I have on here. The closest they ever get to seeing it, is when I show them a layout. Even then I scroll quickly through so they won't see any of these posts. And when I'm on my sisters laptop, I delete my site from her history so she can never visit it.
But why do I do this...
I am afraid that they will see two sides of me. That they will think I am a hypocrite or a liar or even lead a double life (something crazy like that). I honestly don't know the whole reason but one of the main thing is...I just don't want them to see a different me.
I admit, I'm more bold online. I'm also more gentle. It's like I'm playing a someone that I wish I was, not who I really am. But I think it's time to stop before I turn crazy. From now on, my posts will be who I am.
A lot of this probably does not make sense but it had to come out one way or another.
Sunday November 30
Okay, so it's been like two weeks since I last blogged and I still don't have much to say, just that I think I gained like 20 pounds from the food that entered my mouth this week. Even though I ate a whole bunch of stuffing, turkey, and green bean casserole, I still wouldn't mind eating more.And as I'm typing this there is a fly buzzing around my computer screen and I have the urge to rip its wings off. It's so annoying. And...I just killed it so everything is cool now.
As I was saying before, I still want some turkey and casserole. Call me a pig if you want but it's not everyday I get to eat non-Chinese food. Love my mom's cooking but you can only handle so much of it.
Well, onto something else. In a review I recieved a while back, she suggested that I add more to my portfolio, like stories or poems and so I shall take that suggestion. I'm not a writer, really and I've never finished a story or anything, but a few weeks ago I wrote a short story and didn't think it was that bad. So I'll be putting it up soon...when I'm not lazy. And also if I can dig up some of my poems I wrote they'll be posted along with it.
And then I come to college applications...I'm like almost done. I need to write two essays and get the transcript and recommendation letters and I'm good to go. I'm just thinking about one of the essays since I kind of wrote one already for Chinese speech I did like three weeks back about the person that influenced me the most. I'll just translate that to English and I'm good to go. So basically I just need one essay and yea. I screwed myself over by starting the applications too late so I didn't even try to do the scholarship part.
Well, the worst that can happen is if I go to UTSA and that isn't bad either.
Oh and my dad has decided for me to take RadioIodine and kill my thyroid. I suggested surgery instead to remove it but my mom said it would leave a scar on my neck. But then if I had surgery I wouldn't have a small bump on my neck either, a scar is nothing compared to that.
Friday November 14
I've been getting a lot of crap on my computer lately. Just last night I stayed up till 12 removing some stupid Antivirus 2009 thing that is basically a scam. Then, I come home at 8:30 and another one pops up. It wasn't the same as last night though, it was Antivirus PRO 2009 this time. Freaking ridiculous, I hate Norton, I need a new Virus protection whatever crap. Anyone have any suggestions? I'm open to anything.In English we're starting 1984, I'm excited, can't keep Big Brother waiting now can we...
And as you can see, there is a new version up. It's not super fancy or anything. It's just one of those simple layouts because I'm brain dead. I had 3 tests and a quiz and I'm leaving soon for church activity and then to a friends house to build a bridge for Physics.
Monday November 10
I am determined to move on. I will not stay in the past no matter how beautiful it was, no matter how hard it will be. I will let go, it may not be the right thing to do because there is no right thing in this. I don't want to keep living in the past now, I must let you go. I need to let you go, I need you out of my life. I know it will be hard, seeing you with someone else is always hard and it makes my heart hurt so much. When I see you again I know I'll fall all over though. I don't know what you did to make me feel so strongly about you. If I keep this up I'll hurt myself even more.I'm saying sorry to myself for putting myself through this. I know the answer and yet I make myself believe otherwise.
I'm sorry to my reader's if you are confused. I'm going through some difficult times right now and don't know when or how it will be over. Give me time and I will return to myself.
Saturday November 08
Went in to work this morning at 8 and at 8:30 I had to assist in euthanizing a cat. The owner was sniffling and I was already teary eyed before he came in because I was thinking about it. I had to hold the cat and when he injected the shot it just, fell asleep and then the heart stopped. Needless to say, I cried afterwards. My eyes are still red and puffy.I have nothing to put up still. I think a version 4 for Revelation will come soon.
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